臉書

事實上，從她們同一年入同一間中學開始，這幾個女孩子的命運便永遠糾纏在一起。她們互相看著大家的性格成形，就像面前的幾張鏡子相互映照出各人的疊影——一個是成績好、聰明過人；一個不斷冒險，無往而不利；一個待人永遠善良而真摯；還有總是那麼一個，永遠是令人又忌又妒的異性攝石… 在接下來的年月裡，每次其中一個女孩有動靜，其他人便會在這些反照上檢察一下自己——就像出門前在鏡子裡檢視一下自己的儀容。

選擇的迷思，六之餘：後悔、遺憾、習慣、失落

Barry Schwartz《選擇的迷思》 以社會科學的角度，解構我們為甚麼比以前的人多了物質多了選擇，卻越來越不開心。這本書行文顯淺，例子生活化，就像一個教授為你的選擇人生寫了綜合詳盡的 大考筆記（加上幽默的插圖），助你破解生活上越來越長多、也越來越長的選擇題。我以為是每個現代城市人必讀的一本書。

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後悔、遺憾、習慣、失落、比下去、無力感。選擇過多的副產品。有同感嗎？書裡有解困的十一個提議。

內容我不詳細寫了，反而想引一引書尾，形容我們現代的生活狀態的這一段，也是這個課題值得思考的原因：

"Here we are. Living at the pinnacle of human possibility, awash in material abundance. As a society, we have achieved what our ancestors could, at most, only dream about, but it has come at a great price. We get what we say we want, only to discover that what we want doesn't satisfy us to the degree that we expect. We are surrounded by modern, time-saving devices, but we never seem to have enough time. We are free to be authors of our own lives, but we don't know exactly what kind of lives we want to 'write'."

我姑且試譯：『我們在這兒。活在人類可能性的最高點，淹沒在豐盛的物質當中。作為一個社會，我們達到了我們祖先只能，極其量，夢想到的，但這得來是有代價的。我們得到了我們所想，才發覺我們所想並不像預期的給我們滿足。我們被現代、省時的設備包圍，卻永遠好像不夠時間。我們可自由地做我們生命的作者，但我們並不知道我們想「寫」甚麼樣的人生。』

似曾相識嗎？

美麗好笑悲哀真實的故事

喜歡看王雅雋在明報的《星期日談情》；喜歡她其中一個副題：〈戀愛中的香港人〉——彷佛我們也有精力時間戀愛，彷佛我們也戀愛得起。在一個年輕相愛的醫生律師奮力合作也買不起居所的城市，不在香港長大的雅雋告訴我們，香港人也會戀愛，雖然有時拘謹躊躇、有時殘缺不全。

最近看了一部短篇小說集 The Girl's Guide to Fishing & Hunting。裡面的短篇大都以同一女子的角度，敍述她成長戀愛工作的故事，讀起來更像一部長篇。也就是一個雕通眼眉、能言善辯的女孩，在閱讀世界、在學習成長。愛上了作者 Melissa Bank 簡潔深刻而又幽默感人的文筆，請容我抄一下書：

“[Her elder brother] turned to me and said, "Do you know your IQ goes up and down about fifty points in every conversation?"

I didn't know if this was a compliment or an insult, but I didn't like how he was looking at me-- as though from the great distance of his new life. I said, "No one likes being talked about to their face." Then I felt bad. "Anyway," I said, "E=MC₂."

小說一直處於這種半昧不明、抽離與投入之間的狀態。這裡主角 Janie 雖然只有十四歲，已知道：『沒有人喜歡別人在她面前議論她。』卻不能度量與將轉變成男人的哥哥的距離。換了是別的小說中的聰明女子舌戰贏了就只有在沉默中悲哀；Janie 可愛之處是她針鋒相對後隨即又過意不去，於是用幽默拉近她和哥哥的距離。

這樣的例子比比皆是。和中學好友的對話：

“She said, "You still get flashbacks?"

"I think I always will," I said.

"Remember," she said, "never say 'always.'"

"I really appreciate your support," I said.

She said, "It helps me stay strong."

I said, "Every days is a gift."

與嫲嫲的對話：

“What do you think was so good about the good old days?" I asked, in exasperation. But I heard how harsh my voice was and didn't like it. I said, "what do you miss, I mean?"

While she thought, I waited to make my point: that everything was much better now than it used to be; I'd cite the civil rights and woman's movements.

"The boy who lit the street lamps in the evening," she said, finally, "He carried a stool with him."

I understood then-- it was like missing Nantucket-- and I put my hand on top of hers. It occurred to me that everything was more complicated than I thought.

很聰明的女孩子，但她不止聰明，她明白人生有些事比逞聰明重要，例如友誼，例如親情，例如自省，和同理心：

“
I tried to understand what Henry had told me. But I worried about that, too. Other people might not try as hard as I did to understand him. I was always on his side, no matter what. My parents were, too. All he really had to do with us was show up. More had been expected of him as Julia's boyfriend and at that party. More would be expected of him everywhere. I didn't know what had happened between him and Julia. It scared me to think that my brother had failed at loving someone, I had no idea myself how to do it.

個人覺得全書最感人的是 Janie 與後來患病的爸爸的交流。她爸爸堅強、樂觀，而且不吝於表達對女兒的感情：

“Over the weekend, my father told me he was concerned about my missing work; when was I going back?

"I am taking a leave of absence," I said, deciding then. "I'm malingering vicariously through you."

He said,"I'm glad."

Then he looked right at me, and said, "It means a great deal to me that you're here."

後來她工作和感情上遇到難題，想起一些她爸爸常常告誡她的話。看的時候我想，做父母能做到這樣已是最大能力。因為他不避惡的告訴她人生的真相：

“Life is unfair, my love

讓她做自己生命的主人：

“I can't make the decision for you.

然後提醒她不要躲避自己的人生：

“Don't take the easy way out, Janie

縱然是伶俐的女子，同樣和我們平凡女子一般有工作的軟弱和煩惱，這也是我覺得小說很親近的原因。

不過這本被 Wikipedia 稱做女生文學 "Chick Lit"的代表作、與 Bridget Jone's Diary 齊名的作品，寫的篇幅最多仍是感情：

“My mother hardly ever gave me advice about men, and I only remember asking her once, in fifth grade... I asked how you got a boy your liked to like you back. She said, "Just be yourself," as though I had any idea who that might be.

事實上，這本書之所以叫《女子漁獵手冊》，是 Janie 經過多次戀愛失敗以後，決定根據一本自助式的戀愛攻略書來「釣」男人。過程（很好笑）不講了，只想引用最後她遇到的一個畫漫畫的男生想畫的漫畫，來形容這本書：美麗好笑悲哀真實的故事。

“We go to Mere Mortals, a collection of one acts by David Ives. The one I love the most is about two mayflies on a date; they watch a nature documentary about themselves and discover their life span is only one day long-- after mating, they'll die.

Leaving the theater, Robert and I are both dazzled and exuberant, talking at once and laughing, and we spontaneously kiss.

He says, "I want to mate with you and die."

We have a drink at one of those old-fashioned restaurants in the theater district. Robert says the mayflies play is what every cartoon he draws aspires to be-- beautiful and funny and sad and true.

書裡的其他金句：

“I'm thirty-five" she says. "You try to plan your life, but that's not how it works."

“I see Laurel's shoulders rise and fall in a sigh.

“He was in a VIP suite, which had wall-to-wall carpeting, a mini-refrigerator, and velvety wallpaper. "This is a brothel," I said

He said, "Don't tell Mom."

“The way she spoke reminded me more of humming than thinking.

“It occurred to me that the quiet in the suburbs had nothing to do with peace.

“At Tortilla Flats, Jamie introduced his current girlfriend, a waitress named Petal. She had a little daisy tattoo on her ankle and seemed light and sweet and sure of herself in the particular way a very young woman can.

...

I looked around me. It was Thursday, a party night, and I could feel that bar-generated electricity-- the buzz and spark of sex-to-be.

“This is how I'd felt finding out about my father; it was like getting the subtitles after the movie.

“Saturday morning. I felt the way I had as a child, waking up in the summer and sensing what I could expect that day in the suburbs: the dry cleaner at the back door to drop off my father's suits; the damp smell of the changing room at the public pool; the dusty shade in the garage.

“"It's [being an editor's] all about judging," I said. "I'm not sure I'm the judge type. I might be more of the criminal type."

"Judgment is power," he said.

...

But I told me I didn't think I wanted power. " I think I want freedom."

He said, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

“[Being close to death] But you also find that you're stronger than you've ever been. You're clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now, it's instantaneous.

“It started as a day job," I say. I tell him that I thought I'd write plays or novels or appliance manuals at night. But advertising made my IQ go down; every night I had to work just to get it back up to regular.

"What did you do?" he asks.

I got rid of my TV, I tell him, and read classics.

"Like which ones?"

"Middlemarch was the first," I say.

He laughs. "You say it like you're not sure I've heard of it."

We keep talking books, and when I tell him that Anna Karenina is my favorite, it seems to have the effect "I'm not wearing any underwear" has on other men.

白雙全 PK 張愛玲

白雙全訪問中一句「生活你有份，所以你會明」很矚目。想起張愛玲那句：「因為懂得，所以慈悲」、以及她引過論語中的：「如得其情，哀矜而勿喜」。很少人在行文用語上能賽過張愛玲，可是我覺得白雙全那十個字更好，真是異數。當然白和張的句語所指有點不同。白講的是藝術—對他的藝術—的欣賞；張寫的是人性的同感同情，一個人對另一個人的明白與體會。可是如果將以上幾句都看作人對生活和人性的「通感」（也是白雙全的詞，很喜愛），我更喜歡白雙全那句。首要原因是它白。張那句已經很白（張白話文的造詣以至貢獻不用多說），但是白說「生活你有份，所以你會明」卻是簡單得不能再簡單、意義也明白不過。能用這樣簡白的語言解釋藝術這抽象無門的東西，說來也反映了白雙全作品的最大優點。更重要的是，白雙全那句比張的更為平然坦然：生活是人人有份、再孤寂的人也每天參與的事，所以無論你多蔽塞多笨多怪，你也可能知道、也可以明白。相對來說張理解的過程裡還有「懂得」，似乎要有點慧根。「如得其情」也像是碰巧得到了真相，不是人人可直接達到的。

再說，為甚「慈悲」呢？國語辭典說「慈悲」是：「佛教用語。慈指給予眾生安樂；悲指拔除眾生的痛苦。後俗訛為慈愛、悲憫的同義詞。」套於張句，可說是明白者對俗世蒼生的憐憫，或是悟者感受到了執者的痛處，帶有悲觀的意味。所以說「哀矜而勿喜」吧？我們明白了別人心中的委婉，內裡也同樣扭扭曲曲的，只有矜持，說不出來。這很富中國傳統人情的精神：肚裡知道，卻不足外人道（說也說不清）。

所以還是說不及白雙全的「生活你有份，所以你會明。」多現代，多積極！很少人能有張愛玲洞察人性的能力，但活著的人總有點生活體會。我投白一票！

Best advice I've ever heard

Investment tycoon Warren Buffet is the world's second-richest person, behind only Bill Gates. In an interview, his grand-daughter said she never relied on her family's fortune and had been financially independent as an artist since college. Rather than wealth, she inherited from her grandmother, Susan Buffet, the following 5 principles of life:

1. Show up
2. Tell the truth
3. Pay attention
4. Do your best
5. Don't get attached to the outcome

I have never seen more simple, succinct and universal advice on life. And I can think of few situations in life in which these principles do not apply. The principles help a person form a powerful – and very American – attitude. This attitude promotes proaction, reduces obstacles and increases competitiveness of any effort, regardless of the outcome. Before wisdom so simple and true, my elaboration seems wordy and inarticulate.

Among the other principles, "Tell the truth" almost belongs to its own category. The other principles can be seen as best practices of how one should act in situations, while "tell the truth" is more of a moral preference. Why is telling the truth so important? When we take away the principle about truth, do the principles still stand?




I don't no.1 enough and often screw up because I don't no.3. No.5 is what I am learning and appreciating at the moment.

Roles I

The grandmother in Fanny and Alexander:

“We all play our parts. Some play them negligently, others play with great care. I'm one of the latter.

The bishop to his pregnant wife:

“You once said you were always changing masks... until finally you didn't know who you were. I have only one mask. But it's branded into my flesh. If I tried to tear it off--
I always thought people liked me. I saw myself as wise, broad-minded, and fair. I had no idea... that anyone could hate me. (I don't hate you.) No, but your son does.

The grandmother with the ghost of her son:

“Yes, Oscar, that's how it is. One is old and a child at the same time. What became of those long years in between… that seemed so important at the time? May I take your hand? I remember your hand as a child. It was small and firm and dry. And your wrist was so awfully slender. I enjoyed being a mother. I enjoyed being an actress too but I preferred being a mother. I liked having a big belly, and I didn't give two shakes about the theatre then. It's all acting anyway. Some roles are nice, others not so nice. I played a mother. I played Juliet and Margareta. Then suddenly I played a widow or a grandmother. One role follows another. The thing is not to shrink from them. But what became of it all? Can you tell me that, my boy? You're a good boy to listen to your old mother's soliloquies, as Isak calls them. Yes, you're a good boy, Oscar,... and I grieved terribly when you past away. That was a strange role to play. My feelings came from deep in my body. Even though I could control them... they shattered reality, if you know what I mean. Reality has remain broken ever since, and oddly enough, it feels more real that way. So I don't bother to mend it. I just don't care anymore if nothing makes sense. Oscar, my dear boy? (Yes, Mama.) Are you sad?
(I'm worried.) About the children? Yes.

scratch

there's no such thing as linear time. there's no track to life. you can skip a beat, hype it up, drag it down, take a break, split in two and jump around. your mind is an hour glass. tilt your head and it'll drip a different rhythm. nod your head and travel in time. dance to the beat and you'll be immortal, forever in the moment. sync-up is unnecessary-- the world is a million metronomes of different times. dj your own sound. when it gets smooth enough you'll hear other beats matching up.

“Everything can happen. Everything is possible and probable. Time and space do not exist. On a flimsy framework of reality, the imagination spins, weaving new patterns.

~ A Dream Play, August Strindberg

Dreamlife of Angels

One girl lives, one girl dies, one girl goes on with her Dream-life:

“
Marie,

Sandrine will live. I hope you find the kind of life that you are looking for, the one that you are dreaming of, every moment, every second of your life.

Your friend, Isa